It is without hesitation that I accept your proposal to visit me in my pied-à-terre. Prior to your arrival, I request that you make due consideration for the following ... peculiarities, to which you might bear witness during your likely brief stay.
- You will never be as hot as Bruce Willis. I'm sorry, but that's just the way things are. He is a 9. Work backwards from there when determining your arrogance level.
- Recommended gifts for presentation upon your arrival might include champagne, Grand Marnier, any number of cakes or pastries, a favourite menu item, or a quarter-pound of superb hash. Remember, I'm making sure (probably) I have toilet paper for you.
- It's entirely possible that during your visit, I might say or do things that will offend you or your belief system. Non-negotiable.
Before arranging a time and place for our rendezvous, please verify the following:
- You may or may not have membership here:
- But should not be here:
Thank you for your interest. If you agree to the terms and conditions herein, please remove your pants and proceed to the tape line on the floor notated with 'Slot B.'
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